Rachel IbbisonComment

I don't know what is happening and it doesn't feel right

Rachel IbbisonComment
I don't know what is happening and it doesn't feel right
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6 years ago I had something life changing happen.  Something that hit my soul like I never thought I could feel.  Something that took away all of my faith, my happiness, and my feeling that everything will be ok.  I felt anxiety like I didn't even know we could feel.  It was completely out of my control.  The early days of simply getting out of bed and facing people--people I didn't even know was difficult.  As weeks went on, I had to face reality. I had to go on. 

I was terrified of losing someone else close to me.  I was obsessively thinking about that all day everyday, especially my husband.  At that time I didn't really understand what was going on.  I didn't understand the multitude of anxiety my body was going through.  I actually was have dizzy spells where the room started spinning almost daily.  The doctors couldn't figure out what was going on.  They even did an MRI.  The room kept spinning at random times of the day--if this has ever happened to you, you understand how terrifying this is, as well as sickening. 

My point is, I couldn't bare to hear anymore bad news.  In fact when I did, I would lay asleep at night so scared of life and all of the awful things that could happen.  I slowly learned what my triggers were.  I slowly did research on how to relieve anxiety, and how to set up my day for success.  How to release these thoughts and how to breathe right--breathing right was a biggie.

One of my biggest changes in my life was not watching the news.  I literally do not watch or read any news at all anymore.  If it's on, I have trained myself to tune it out.  The news could literally put me into a spiral of anxious thoughts.  The world is scary.  There is so much sadness in the news and I could not hear it anymore.  Of course I hear bits and pieces from social media, but I don't completely know the whole story, which is why I don't discuss most of the news--I really don't have the background or the knowledge on the subject to speak my opinion. 

In recent times, a lot has been happening in the news.  I want to understand what is happening, but I also feel as though we are getting such biased information depending on what news channel we watch, and who is reporting. 

I'm afraid to really know what is happening. 

I'm afraid to see all of the hate in this world.

And as my husband puts it, I live in a a world of rainbow, butterflies, and unicorns. 

I like that world.

It isn't reality though.  I know I need to be informed of what is going on. 

I'm on a mission to explore getting informed but not consumed.  I know for sure I won't be watching or reading any of this before I go to bed, or directly when I wake up. 

There is so much sadness going on right now in the news--such hatred.  Ignoring keeps me in a bubble, but nothing changes that way.  We are all individuals that can make a difference. 

Staying informed is necessary, but scary. 

I'm ready to explore this and find a way to make this work into my life <3 I'll keep y'all posted. 

Stay tuned.

Much Love,

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