TTC, 2WW, BFN
If you know what those symbols mean, then you will know exactly where I am coming from in this post. I debated and debated on whether or not to share this topic, but from my experience so far with blogging, I have come to realize that sharing my struggles helps others not feel alone in their experience. So, we are trying to conceive again. If you don't know our story of previous infertility, click here. Everyone told us that trying for a second one would be so much easier. We wouldn't even have to "try." Well, here we are almost a year later and we still have not gotten pregnant. Infertility is a real struggle for many couples and it can be quite a frustrating and disappointing experience.
Being a perfectionist, this is one of the most frustrating experiences, and I have started to let it consume me. It's extremely hard not to, when you have to worry about everything you put into your body, and are taking medications full of hormones. I am currently working with a naturopath, and acupuncturist, and my Obgyn. I am working very closely with my naturopath, because she gets me, and knows that there is something else going on that is causing this to happen. I have been following a strict diet per my naturopath and taking many supplements along with the medication clomid.
If you have been through this struggle, then you will understand that it is a true struggle, and if you aren't careful, it can take a hold of your lives. It is very difficult on a marriage and it is a roller coaster of emotions. It brings back a lot of difficult emotions from our passed struggles, and lose. It's easy to say, don't stress about it, but when you really have to constantly think about it due to the medications and nutrition plan, it is almost impossible not to. All of the women that I know that have been through infertility know the craziness that goes along with it, googling every symptom, being so obsessed with trying to become pregnant, you will do anything!
The acupuncture has helped relax a lot. I wish I could go every week for it, but insurance doesn't cover it, so monthly is what I am currently doing. The clomid immediately makes your body feel as though it is pregnant even though its not. It's hormones, so you can imagine where my emotions are at. The acupuncture helps me not be so emotional along with my practice of meditation and calming strategies that I have learned to incorporate into my life. The passed two times that I have taken it with my previous pregnancies, I was a lot more emotional and all over the place. I completely contribute that to the acupuncture.
I share this, not for sympathy, but to help others who are going through similar struggles. So if you know someone struggling with this, give them a hug. Don't try to understand if you haven't been through it. Encourage them to stay strong, and have hope. Get them out of the house, even if they say no. There are days when I could honestly jump in bed and kick and scream and cry over this, but what is the point? I give myself some time each month as I get the negative pregnancy test to cry and come up with a new plan, but I won't allow this for longer than an hour. Family is too important, and although I believe it is ok for you children to see your emotions, but I refuse to let Kensie seeing me sad all of the time--that's just not me. I'm completely blessed to have her and thank God everyday for the opportunity to parent her, but there will always be a part of me that knows I was supposed to have two children, and I would love for her to have a baby brother or sister.
For those of you struggling, I'm right there with you. But I do know that there is going to be a happy ending. I have all ready had one. We will all get through this with God's love and the support around us. So now, I will take a deep breath press post and share my struggles with you all in hopes that I can inspire or support anyone else going through something similar.
xo,
